Looking the part

     When you hear that Someone has cancer, what do you automatically think? Lets see Chemo, loss of hair, looking sick, weak person.  When people learned that I was diagnosed with cancer, they thought it was nothing too serious because I look fuller and healthy.  As time went by they became aware of what type of cancer it was , then they began to ask questions. I was a stage 3 of myeloma which is pretty bad. I tried to never loose my cool but you know I am only human and I can't help it. I am an emotional person even tough I may not look like it. I promised myself and god that I was gonna try my hardest to be myself which is a hyper active person always positive and having fun with the world. I was going to keep my joy no matter what.
     I was in pain from the day my daughter was born with back problems. I began my natural protocols and months later began chemo. Chemo is poisoning  your body making you  feel like your not alive. Next thing you  know your walking like a zombie, on autopilot living in a foggy mind. Reaching with my hands out through the thick white fog trying not to hurt myself. How I hate those days. I fight them each time but, nothing changes. I come to work and but on a smile even through these shitty days. My facial expressions always give me away but I keep smiling . Its not gonna conquer me, not by the grace of god. I keep my head up with God on my side who can be against me.  My motivation everyday all day my true medicine.

    I may not look like I have cancer but that doesn't  mean im not suffering, sstruggling finding the strength to survive. Don't underestimate people in what they are going through. We all have different pain tolerance and that's the same thing with cancer, we all tolerated it differently but one thing is for certain.  It's a beast and its never easy. Its harder than giving birth, trust me I know. Its harder than any marathon,  triathlon, toughmudder , iron man deal. Everyday is like riding a roller coaster, you don't know what's coming. I will tell you this for sure, To everyone who is or had a journey with cancer comes out as an Ultimate Beast Warrior.... Unstoppable .
       To all my cancer patients,  Stay Strong in beast mode and remember your not alone God is always with you.